God has been teaching me much in the past week...about trust, about pain, about His faithfulness when I am faithless, about resting in Him when everything else seems uncertain.
A little over a week ago my life changed dramatically. With one difficult decision all my plans for the future came crashing down; leaving me with a sick feeling in my stomach and a void in my heart.
I find myself asking, "God, what now? I know You have a purpose in this, but can't You let me see a little of the bigger picture?"
Today even my own personal pain seemed to pale as I sat in the hospital room of my adopted Grandma and listened to a doctor tell her she has cancer...and later tonight as I learned that the nephew of a family in our church, a teenager, took his own life this morning, I thought my heart would break over the anguish and grief these families must be experiencing.
In times like these I find it very difficult not to ask God, "Why?" Somehow I don't think God minds honest questions. In the Psalms David repeatedly and bluntly asks God why He allows things to happen. I find this comforting. Yet, it is also challenging to see that time and again after he questions, David comes back to God's faithfulness and says..."But I still trust in You."
This is what David said after one of his periods of questioning God...
"Then I realized that my heart was bitter, and I was all torn up inside. I was so foolish and ignorant--I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. Whom have I in heaven but you? I desire you more than anything on earth. My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." Psalm 73:21-26 (NLT)
I may not ever know the answers...my heart may ache with the pain of life...I may not get to see the bigger picture until Heaven...but I can rest in God's faithfulness and in knowing that...
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8